I officially closed 2020 and 2021 last January 31, 2022, when I turned in the last item on my burnout backlog. Now, I write these realizations in retrospect. To say that the past two years were bad is an understatement. If in 2016-2018 I experienced the good side of growth, 2019-2021 were the ugly side of growth (exacerbated by the pandemic). These were the years I came face to face with my shadow, the parts which I thought I have healed from, the parts I thought did not exist or the parts that existed but I unconsciously buried in my subconscious. Confronting these shadows broke me. Confronting these shadows also made me. That’s why as I leave 2021 behind, here are three lessons I’m taking with me:
1. Listen to yourself.
One of the things I realized this year was that with everything that’s thrown at us at such a rapid pace, we fail to listen to what truly matters – ourselves. In the past two years, I noticed how my voice became so soft that I don’t even know what I am saying – or if I’m still talking at all. This led me to second guess myself, to say char or chz after things I really want to say but end up retracting for fear of judgement or stepping on other people’s egos. I need to listen to myself more. I need to honor myself more.
To a situation, two opinions, two feelings, two thoughts can be true. It’s how we manage to handle both truths and especially holding space for what it was like for you is what matters. Listen to yourself. Listen to what you are feeling. Listen to what you are saying. Hold space for it.
2. Draw boundaries.
Drawing boundaries come intuitively once you start listening to yourself – your feelings, your needs. However, drawing boundaries involve identifying them and setting them. It is the setting the boundaries part which is most difficult. If you are like me, whose trauma response is to fawn or please others, it would take practice to be able to healthily communicate these boundaries.
Some days it is torture because I still give more importance to the other person’s point of view. But again, I have to remind myself that as much as their reality is true, what you feel, what you need is also true. The goal is to find that sweet spot of what will work for both parties. That’s not easy. It takes practice. But it is possible.
3. Live like we’re golden.
I’ve always known for a fact that life is finite. But it wasn’t until I was confronted with my Lola’s death did I realize how minute our time on earth is. We live in seasons. We can never really tell what the future holds for us. But we can always choose to be present in whatever season we are in. We can choose to savor good moments and learn lessons in the hard ones. And in each season, we can also choose to live in it with love. It’s hard. But I hope we always choose love.
These realizations led me to my word for 2022 – Reclaim. More on that in my next entry. For now, all I can say that design thinking is something I hope all of us encounter at least once in our lives.
Growing up, I’ve always thought that there is only one way toward a goal you want to reach. It is either you are good enough or not good enough. There is no in between.
This is in contrast with what I am learning now. In design thinking, you are allowed to prototype – to make a system and try it out. To see what works and what doesn’t. After that prototype, do an iteration. What needs to improve? What can be done better? What did you learn from the prototype? The best part is, in life, we’re allowed as many iterations as possible. Just as God gives us grace to start over from our mistakes. This opens up so much possibilities and allows us to live a little bit lighter.
Adieu, 2020-2021!
Her Name is Gabrielle 